Thursday, February 14, 2013

Mirror, Mirror . . .

. . . On My Wall

I don't know about you but I hate looking in the mirror. I'll take it one step farther and admit I really can't stand seeing my reflection anywhere or my photograph being taken. 

If you are interested you can read about my photograph phobia on this post, Day 27 Magic Mirror (Whew, that's a mouthful). 
My Magic Mirror LIES!

I don't hate myself but that mirror keeps telling me things I don't want to hear. "Boy you're getting a lot of grey. Your teeth are crooked and not so white anymore. And look at those wrinkles and huge pores. Is that a whisker growing out of your chin?"

And that's just the beginning. If that stupid mirror sees anymore of me, it screams and laughs. "Ha you are some weird shaped chick! And the belly, no wonder that guy you were interviewing asked when your baby was due." Yes that last part is true, it's not just a scene in a comedy, it really happened to me. Luckily I am not as sensitive as I use to be twenty or so years ago, otherwise I would have started crying.

Well, now you know part of my dislike list. I am getting better at zoning out that critical mirror. Of course, it's easier if I turn my back on him.

Unfortunately, some days it is impossible to ignore Mirror. Those days are bad. I don't want to go out anywhere. People will stare. Teenagers will point and laugh at the circus freak. Small children will cry and run away. Those with bad hearts will collapse while grasping at their chests. I will not be responsible for some strangers death so it is just better to stay at home.

I know if I make an effort to fix my hair, put on some makeup and dress nice, I will feel better about myself. But. And yes there is a but. I feel like .... an ugly mutt getting a poodle hair do ... a blackbird painting itself red to look like a cardinal. Everyone will see I'm just a three dressed up as a nine and that's worse.

So how do I avoid those days? Let me think. The first trick is to get out of the house. Staying in can be a bad habit to break. Eventually you just can't go out in public.

I'm Not Listening

I think a big part of changing Mirror's opinion is my attitude. I think positive. I think gratitude. I am happy and I smile when I look at Mirror and he smiles back. He is just too busy smiling to say anything bad to me.

I also like to look at myself through the eyes of my family. They see the person they love. They see a smart, kind, important person. (Gotta love that movie. Can you guess what it is?) 

On the other hand, if I am feeling especially good I can tell Mirror to shut up and listen to me. I am grateful for being me. Yes I have grey hair and it is a privilege.  Not everyone lives long enough to have this much grey. I really don't have that many wrinkles and the ones I do have are a testament to my life. I am over weight because I have not spent enough time on myself, putting the needs of others first. 

Putting it into perspective. I won't be emotionally scaring anyone soon by going outside and being seen. I hope. :) I am not Quasimodo or the elephant man. I am just an average looking human being - not a super model - not a mutant. And I can live with that.

What does your magic mirror say to you?

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